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One Moment at a Time

It was late at night when my phone erupted with a burst of text messages.  The beeping of all those messages brought me down from whatever heavenly dream I was in, abruptly leaving me landed in my bed. There could only be one reason for those texts:  urgent trouble in our data center!  I reached for my laptop and started assessing the situation. Two servers were off-line -- and these were the last two I’d want to see having trouble!  Oh, no! -- the storage system for an important online auction taking place in Washington, D.C;  and our mail system’s main server, as well... This was a big problem, beyond anything  I could just quickly fix with  my remote laptop connection.  Fortunately enough, our data center isn’t far away -- it’s just across from our house, I only have to walk over...

As I walked, it was as if life remained suspended … while I started walking down a path of fear and anxiety. My heart was pounding faster, and I could feel the sweat in the palms of my hands.  Perhaps it is just a small problem? …Was I going to be able to fix it? …  Many thoughts raced through my mind -- they were like firewood thrown on the panic flames inside me, making those few minutes it took to walk up to our server room interminable and excruciating.

I finally got to the equipment, and took a quick look at those systems -- and uh-oh, this was not merely a small problem... Not at all. It was one of the worst issues you could face dealing with a computer system! Partitions were corrupted!  I’ll spare you the gory technical details  … just take note, the situation was Bad -- BAD, in uppercase!

At that moment, something switched inside of me. There was no more fear, no more anxiety. There was just time for action. All of a sudden, my mind was just present in that very moment. Past and future had gone, leaving me alone with the task at hand.

That night’s technical battle had a happy ending. After a fair amount of work, I was at last able to bring those systems back online.  But more to the point here, and above all, I got a really good introduction to being anxiety-free in the middle of a difficult situation, got a good taste of living just one moment at a time…

I’d like to tell you this state remained with me afterwards, I really would. But no, it didn’t, so very sorry to disappoint you… I see it isn’t so easy to align mind and heart with the moment’s flow -- but at least now I really do know it’s possible. Nevertheless, I so very much hope I won’t absolutely have to hit bottom in a crisis situation in order to once again bring this aliveness and intensity to all I do!

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